Dr.Michele Borba is a TODAY contributor and regular parent expert on shows including The View, CNN and Dr. Phil. She is an educational psychologist, former teacher and mom who is recognized for her solution-based strategies to strengthen a child’s behavior and character.Titles include PARENTS DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE, NO MORE MISBEHAVIN’, BUILDING MORAL INTELLIGENCE, and 12 SIMPLE SECRETS REAL MOMS KNOW. Her latest book is THE BIG BOOK OF PARENTING SOLUTIONS: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries.
Blog: www.micheleborba.com or twitter: @micheleborba.com.
An article from her blog:
How to know if a girl may be a victim of female bullying or Relational Aggression.
“Relational aggression refers to harm within relationships that is caused by covert bullying or manipulative behavior. Examples include isolating a youth from his or her group of friends (social exclusion), threatening to stop talking to a friend (the ‘‘silent treatment’’), or spreading gossip and rumors by e-mail. Relational aggression tends to be manipulative or subtle, and may not appear as typically aggressive behavior.” – NASP
It’s the Mean Girl Scene
“I don’t want to go to school!”
“All the girls hate me!”
“Can’t we please just go away for awhile?”
“I can’t take it anymore!”
“It’s not getting better! Why don’t you believe me?”
Sound familiar? They’re the kind of comments young girls utter about the “mean girl scene.” What they may not be saying is how it makes them feel: Left out. Rejected. Excluded. Gossiped about. Hurt. Humiliated. Even terrorized.
The problem is most girls are too embarrassed to say their true feelings to their parents or teachers and so they keep their humiliation, stress and terror to themselves.
They are victims of hurtful, cruel behavior called “Relational Aggression” or RA that is perpetrated by other girls –usually peers.
The goal of relational aggression is to damage the girl’s social standing or reputation by intentionally manipulating how others view her.
The methods of RA are always cold and calculated: Deliberately isolating or excluding the victim, spreading vicious rumors or posting scandalous lies online, or creating situations to publicly humiliate her. And the Mean Girl Scene is starting younger. The consequences to the victim’s mental health and character are serious.
Unfortunately, the signs of relational aggression are often tougher for parents and teachers to spot than traditional bullying. One reason is because there are usually no physical scrapes, bruises, torn clothing, or lost items that are more typical with physical or sexual-type bullying.
Free 32 page download of Dr. Borba’s training manual 6 R’s of Effective Bullying Prevention
- October is National Bullying Prevention Month: Do Your Part to Stop Bullying (safewise.com)
- The Many Forms of Bullying (christinefonseca.wordpress.com)
- Anti-Bullying Month: 6 Strategies to Help Kids Defend Themselves Against Bullying (momitforward.com)
- Dr. Chloe Carmichael Talks Today to NoBullying.com about Adult… (prweb.com)
- Bully Prevention Month: What is a Bully (christinefonseca.wordpress.com)
- Rebecca Sedwick Bullying Death – Parents Responsible? (hrexach.wordpress.com)